If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
