I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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