the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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