just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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