a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
