Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
