i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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