Your face is a jimmy john
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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