I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
