that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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