i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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