Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Houston, we have a squirter
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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