All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
