And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
