you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
