she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
