i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize