Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
