the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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