I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
