i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
