I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
