One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
