If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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