You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
