I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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