why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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