we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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