I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
