If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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