I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
