In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
