Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
