What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
