were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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