Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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