Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
