Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
