so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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