Screwed.edu
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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