peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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