and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
