I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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