i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
