I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
