I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
