Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
