i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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