my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
