I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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