My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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