I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My dick has a subreddit
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
When are your genitals available?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
