i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
