My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
