dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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