im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
