Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I would go down on you faster than GM stock

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(678): View more from Georgia

Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

(602): View more from Arizona

you slept with him again didn't you

(480): View more from Arizona

you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

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(440): View more from Ohio

She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.

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(281): View more from Texas

I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

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(903): View more from Texas

All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.

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(607): View more from New York

If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.

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(254): View more from Texas

You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.

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