Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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