Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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