apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
