You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
