This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
