my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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