We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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