I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
